The Penis Project

187: Let’s Talk About Painful Sex: Vulvas and Vaginas

This episode gets real as Melissa and Kate talk to Shannon who opens up about her personal experience with painful sex and vulvodynia and vaginismus. She shares how these challenges have shaped her live, relationships, and self-esteem, while also tackling the pressures society places on sexuality. It’s a candid, heartfelt conversation that’s all about breaking the stigma and encouraging empathy. 

What We Talked About: 

• Real-Life Struggles: Shannon shares her journey with vulvodynia and vaginismus, including the physical pain and emotional impact. 

• Society’s Unrealistic Expectations: They chat about how society often sets women up with impossible expectations around sex and why it’s okay to redefine intimacy on your terms. 

• Getting Help: Shannon talks about her treatment journey, including using prescribed creams, considering therapy, and learning about her anatomy to take charge of her recovery. 

• Redefining Intimacy: A look at how sex is about so much more than just penetration and why communication and trust are key in relationships. 

• Let’s Get Empathetic: Melissa and Kate highlight why talking about these issues openly is so important for reducing stigma and creating a more supportive world. 

Big Takeaways: 

1. Pain During Sex Isn’t Normal: If you’re struggling, speak up and seek help. 

1. Support is Everything: Having a supportive partner, friends, and medical team can make a huge difference. 

1. Sex is Personal: Don’t let anyone tell you what intimacy should look like—it’s about what works for you and your partner. 

1. You’re Not Alone: So many people deal with these issues. Let’s talk about them and support each other. 

Join the Conversation: 
Got a story to share? Or just want to chat about this episode? Hit us up on admin@melissahadleybarrett.com We’d love to hear from you! 

Resources We Mentioned: 

• Counselling and therapy for sexual trauma. 

• Pelvic floor physio options. 

• Online support groups and forums for those with vulvodynia or vaginismus. 

Don’t Miss Out: 
Want more honest chats about stuff people don’t talk about enough? Hit that subscribe button and stay tuned for more episodes that keep it real! And don’t forget to leave us review.  

 

Connect with Us: 

Websites: 

https://melissahadleybarrett.com   Men’s health only 

https://rshealth.com.au/  All genders 

http://www.menshealthphysiotherapy.com.au/ 

http://prost.com.au/ 

  

Facebook: 

https://m.facebook.com/p/Melissa-Hadley-Barrett-100085237672685/ 

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100085146627814 

 

Instagram: 

https://www.instagram.com/melissahadleybarrett/ 

https://www.instagram.com/restorativehealth.clinic/ 

TikTok: @melissahadleybarrett 

YouTube: Melissa Hadley Barrett 

Linkedin: 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-hadley-barrett/ 

 TEDX 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjHj1YTmLoA 

186: Exploring the Science of Sexual Desire and Fantasies with Dr. Justin Lehmiller

In this episode of The Penis Project Podcast, we’re thrilled to welcome Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a renowned research fellow at the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University and one of the leading voices in the field of human sexuality. Dr. Lehmiller, author of Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life and The Psychology of Human Sexuality, shares groundbreaking insights into the fascinating world of sexual fantasies and desire. 

Dr. Lehmiller discusses key findings from his research, including the results of the largest-ever survey of sexual fantasies in the United States, which reveals what Americans are fantasizing about and how these desires reflect societal shifts in attitudes toward sex and intimacy. 

Topics Covered in This Episode: 

• Future Directions in Sexuality Research: Dr. Lehmiller highlights underexplored areas in the field and shares his vision for advancing the study of human sexuality. 

• Consensual Non-Monogamy: We dive into his research on CNM relationships and discuss the cultural and structural changes needed to support diverse relationship styles. 

• Cultural and Demographic Variations: Learn how factors like age, sexual orientation, and cultural norms shape the nature and prevalence of sexual fantasies. 

• Research Inspiration: Dr. Lehmiller shares what sparked his passion for studying human sexuality and how his role at the Kinsey Institute has influenced his work. 

• Sexual Fantasy Trends: Discover the societal and psychological insights behind the most common sexual fantasies, and how open communication about desires can strengthen relationships. 

As the host of the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast, and a guest expert featured on platforms like Netflix’s Sex, Explained, Dr. Lehmiller brings a wealth of knowledge, humor, and empathy to this thought-provoking conversation. 

Tune in to uncover the science behind sexual desire and learn how to navigate your fantasies with greater confidence and understanding. 

Links and Resources Mentioned in the Episode:

• Dr. Justin Lehmiller’s Blog and Podcast: Sex and Psychology

 

Connect with Us: 

Don’t forget to subscribe to The Penis Project Podcast and leave a review! Share this episode with someone who could benefit from fantasy, doesn’t everyone? 

Websites: 

https://melissahadleybarrett.com   Men’s health only 

https://rshealth.com.au/  All genders 

http://www.menshealthphysiotherapy.com.au/ 

http://prost.com.au/ 

  

Facebook: 

https://m.facebook.com/p/Melissa-Hadley-Barrett-100085237672685/ 

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100085146627814 

 

Instagram: 

https://www.instagram.com/melissahadleybarrett/ 

https://www.instagram.com/restorativehealth.clinic/ 

TikTok: @melissahadleybarrett 

YouTube: Melissa Hadley Barrett 

Linkedin: 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-hadley-barrett/ 

 TEDX 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjHj1YTmLoA 

 

185: From Fizzle to Sizzle: Rekindling Passion and Navigating Mismatched Desires in Long-Term Relationships

In this episode, we are thrilled to welcome Dr. Nazanin licensed clinical psychologist specializing in addictions, eating disorders, sexual health, and mental wellness. She is also the host of the renowned Sexology podcast, which boasts over 400 episodes exploring various facets of intimacy and relationships. 

Together, we delve into one of the most common challenges faced in long-term relationships: reigniting passion and navigating mismatched desires. We discuss how to move from “roommates” to romantic partners, explore reasons behind dwindling attraction, and offer actionable advice for reconnecting with your partner on an intimate level. 

Key Topics Covered: 

• Defining Sexless Relationships: What constitutes a sexless marriage, and why it might not always mean what you think. 

• Causes of Diminished Desire: Life stressors, parenting, unresolved relational issues, and how these factors impact intimacy. 

• Shame and Guilt Around Desire: Addressing guilt, especially in the context of illness or changing life stages and rediscovering the joy of pleasure. 

• Rekindling Connection: Tips for reigniting the spark, such as reflecting on past intimacy, introducing novelty, and creating space for open conversations about desires and fantasies. 

• Practical Tools and Strategies: 

• The Sexy Happy Hour technique: A light-hearted way to explore fantasies, give feedback, and reignite passion. 

• Incorporating romance: Holding hands, going on dates, and reminiscing about exciting moments from the early days of your relationship. 

• Using games or prompts to foster communication and curiosity about intimacy. 

Memorable Quotes: 

• “Predictability leads us to lose attraction. Introducing novelty and curiosity can reignite that spark.” 

• “When we’re turned into roommates instead of romantic partners, it’s time to intentionally prioritize connection and intimacy.” 

Actionable Takeaways: 

• Start small: Plan a romantic date or set aside time for a Sexy Happy Hour. 

• Reflect on your core erotic emotions: What experiences excite and connect you? 

• Open the conversation: Talk about desires and fantasies in a non-judgmental and curious way. 

Resources Mentioned: 

• Sexology Podcast  

• Relationship and intimacy games for couples 

Subscribe & Review: 
If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to subscribe and leave a review! Your feedback helps us bring you more insightful and inspiring content. 

 

This episode is packed with practical advice and inspiration for anyone looking to reignite intimacy and connection in their relationships. Tune in now to discover how to turn the fizzle back into sizzle! 

 

https://sexologypodcast.com/,  

IG: @sexologypodcast 

https://oasis2care.com/ 

 

Program page “Bedroom Fizzle to Sizzle” 

https://sexologypodcast.com/enroll/ 

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Websites: 

https://melissahadleybarrett.com   Men’s health only 

https://rshealth.com.au/  All genders 

http://www.menshealthphysiotherapy.com.au/ 

http://prost.com.au/ 

  

Facebook: 

https://m.facebook.com/p/Melissa-Hadley-Barrett-100085237672685/ 

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100085146627814 

 

Instagram: 

https://www.instagram.com/melissahadleybarrett/ 

https://www.instagram.com/restorativehealth.clinic/ 

TikTok: @melissahadleybarrett 

YouTube: Melissa Hadley Barrett 

Linkedin: 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-hadley-barrett/ 

 TEDX 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjHj1YTmLoA 

184: Prostate cancer and testosterone levels – a lived experience.

In this episode, Melissa and Shane dive deep into health topics encountered by Shane, including  personal experiences with prostate cancer, low testosterone, and hormone replacement therapy. They cover: 

1. Health Management and Responsibility 

• The significance of individual responsibility in monitoring and managing personal health. 

• Exploring the role of hormone levels in cell regeneration and cancer development, with Melissa sharing a study on how low testosterone might increase the risk of high-grade prostate cancer. 

  Testosterone Replacement Therapy 

• Benefits and challenges of testosterone replacement therapy for mood, energy, and overall well-being. 

• Shane shares his journey with prostate cancer, from diagnosis to treatment, and how low testosterone influenced his health management. 

• A discussion on therapy options, dosage adjustments, and the importance of regular monitoring for optimal health outcomes. 

  Practical Health Tools 

• Shane and Melissa discuss the W-912 massage pen for nerve stimulation, used to improve recovery post-surgery and general nerve health. [Link included below] *note this is Shane’s experience and not a professional endorsement by Melissa 

Tune in to hear Shane’s unique insights on his hormone health, his journey through cancer recovery, and taking charge of personal health through informed decisions and proactive measures. 

 

Further reading:

 

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Websites: 

https://melissahadleybarrett.com   Men’s health only 

https://rshealth.com.au/  All genders 

http://www.menshealthphysiotherapy.com.au/ 

http://prost.com.au/ 

  

Facebook: 

https://m.facebook.com/p/Melissa-Hadley-Barrett-100085237672685/ 

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100085146627814 

 

Instagram: 

https://www.instagram.com/melissahadleybarrett/ 

https://www.instagram.com/restorativehealth.clinic/ 

TikTok: @melissahadleybarrett 

YouTube: Melissa Hadley Barrett 

Linkedin: 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-hadley-barrett/ 

 TEDX 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjHj1YTmLoA 

 

 

183: A gay man’s journey through prostate cancer.

In this episode, Melissa welcomes Richard, a 71-year-old gay man, who shares his journey through prostate cancer diagnosis, treatment, and recovery, offering an honest look into the physical, emotional, and relational changes that come with it from the perspective of a gay man.  

 Key topics include: 

1. Prostate Cancer Diagnosis and Treatment 

• Richard’s decision to opt for robotic prostate surgery over radiotherapy and the recovery process that followed. 

• Reflections on his initial fears, including concerns about anesthesia, biopsy discomfort, and his catheter experience during recovery. 

1. Sexual Rehabilitation and Erectile Health 

• Richard discusses using a penis pump and pelvic floor exercises to prevent penis atrophy post-surgery, offering insights into the challenges and humor he’s found in the process. 

• Melissa provides recommendations on pump use, hair trimming for comfort, and ways to maintain sexual health as part of recovery. 

1. Intimacy and Relationship Adjustments 

• Changes in Richard's intimate life with his partner, how they’ve adapted their relationship post-surgery, and exploring different forms of intimacy as they age. 

• Open discussions on same-sex relationships and how prostate cancer impacts sexual health and partnership dynamics. 

1. Personal Reflections and Family Relationships 

• Richard shares his late-in-life coming out journey, the importance of family connections, and maintaining positive relationships with loved ones, including his ex-wife and daughters. 

• A heartfelt discussion on cherishing relationships and the importance of support systems through health challenges. 

1. Next Steps and Health Management 

• Richard’s ongoing regimen: daily use of the penis pump, pelvic floor exercises, upcoming PSA test follow-up, and transitioning from incontinence underwear as his continence improves. 

Listen to Richard’s candid account of resilience, adaptation, and love as he navigates life post-prostate cancer.

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Websites: 

https://melissahadleybarrett.com   Men’s health only 

https://rshealth.com.au/  All genders 

http://www.menshealthphysiotherapy.com.au/ 

http://prost.com.au/ 

  

Facebook: 

https://m.facebook.com/p/Melissa-Hadley-Barrett-100085237672685/ 

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100085146627814 

 

Instagram: 

https://www.instagram.com/melissahadleybarrett/ 

https://www.instagram.com/restorativehealth.clinic/ 

TikTok: @melissahadleybarrett 

YouTube: Melissa Hadley Barrett 

Linkedin: 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-hadley-barrett/ 

 TEDX 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjHj1YTmLoA 

 
 

 

182: World meeting on sexual medicine Rio De Janeiro 2025 – what’s new and what did we learn.

Recently Kate and I attended this conference in Brazil. It was 4 days jam packed with information in the sexual health field. People from all over the world attended and from many different professions. Many urologists, sexologists, a few nurse practitioners, occupational therapists and many more. I have attended this conference in previous years and it is always exciting to update skills and think about what we can incorporate into our care to assist more people in their intimate lives and cancer journeys.   

Today we are going to discuss the big takeaways we got from this years conference. In future episodes I will discuss some of these topics in more detail but for today is an overview.  

I chose to attend mainly presentations around prostate cancer rehabilitation, peyronies disease and relationship issues. Kate attended lots of sessions on women’s health, wellbeing and sexuality.  

My top takeaway was that the research shows ‘less positive outcomes for penile rehabilitation when started greater than 6 months following prostate cancer surgery’ so it is my mission this year to get men to come in earlier and not wait to start rehab.  

Kates big takeaway is that Ph is not just important in pool water, it is also very important in vagina health.  

Listen here to find out more about: Testosterone(having low T may actually increase risk of developing prostate cancer), peyronies, how erectile function drugs are associated with decreasing risk of MACE (major adverse cardiac events), of the 237 reasons people cited for having sex what was the number 1 reason, what is Bocox and many more exciting tit bits.  

Following the conference Kate and I also went on a trip for a few days up the Amazon and did lots exciting things including piranha fishing so we tell you the highlights of this too and recommend you put this on your bucket list. 

If you would like to read the paper that discusses testosterone and prostate cancer this, is it: Prostate safety events during testosterone replacement therapy in men with hypogonadism: A randomised clinical trial. December 2023 JAMA Network Open 6(12):e2348692, DOI:10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2023.48692 

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Websites: 

https://melissahadleybarrett.com   Men’s health only 

https://rshealth.com.au/  All genders 

http://www.menshealthphysiotherapy.com.au/ 

http://prost.com.au/ 

  

Facebook: 

https://m.facebook.com/p/Melissa-Hadley-Barrett-100085237672685/ 

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100085146627814 

 

Instagram: 

https://www.instagram.com/melissahadleybarrett/ 

https://www.instagram.com/restorativehealth.clinic/ 

TikTok: @melissahadleybarrett 

YouTube: Melissa Hadley Barrett 

Linkedin: 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-hadley-barrett/ 

 TEDX 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjHj1YTmLoA 

181: The Penis project meets the GU Cast : PSA anxiety, ADT and what’s new in prostate cancer treatments.

This episode on The Penis Project we are excited to interview Dr. Declan Murphy and Dr. Renu Eapen, both who have a wonderful podcast called GU CAST. In this episode we will discuss advanced prostate cancer among many other topics, such as:

 - PSA anxiety is a very real feeling that many men and their families feel when waiting for PSA results.

 - What a rise in PSA means and why you don’t need to panic and why you shouldn’t compare your result with your mates. 

 - Bust some PSA myths, plus what to do when it rises and when to be concerned.  

 - What is new in prostate cancer diagnosis and treatments in the future.

 - What is Theranostics and how this could be a big thing in the future of prostate cancer treatment. 

We also discuss the big one ADT treatment (testosterone lowering) what, when, how and why. Is using testosterone therapy when you have had prostate cancer a definite NO, you may be surprised with the answer. 

Find the GU Cast on Instagram gu_cast_podcast this podcast focuses on GU Oncology, all about prostate, kidney, bladder, testis and penile cancer and is hosted by Declan Murphy and Renu Eapen  

Website www.gucast.org   

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Websites: 

https://melissahadleybarrett.com   Men’s health only 

https://rshealth.com.au/  All genders 

http://www.menshealthphysiotherapy.com.au/ 

http://prost.com.au/ 

  

Facebook: 

https://m.facebook.com/p/Melissa-Hadley-Barrett-100085237672685/ 

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100085146627814 

 

Instagram: 

https://www.instagram.com/melissahadleybarrett/ 

https://www.instagram.com/restorativehealth.clinic/ 

TikTok: @melissahadleybarrett 

YouTube: Melissa Hadley Barrett 

Linkedin: 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-hadley-barrett/ 

 TEDX 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjHj1YTmLoA 

 

180: Mr David Dangerfield – You can rewire your penis!

This is another exciting episode which came highly requested by you, The Penis Project audience. We have interviewed David previously on the podcast in episode 46, and two patients who have undergone this procedure (episodes 83 and 174) so listen here for the backstory 

Mr Dangerfield in conjunction with Prof Chris Coombs have developed a surgical technique to restore erections utilizing nerve grafting.  

Listen to Melissa have an informal chat with David about this revolutionary surgery. Topics covered are what the surgery entails, who is the perfect candidate, pre-habilitation and rehabilitation following surgery, and much more.   

At present this surgery has mainly been utilised for post-prostate cancer surgical patients but we also discuss areas that this could help other men.

For more information about this innovative technique and Dangerfield, please go to this website where you will find links to TV presentations, other podcasts, YouTube interviews and much more. https://www.cucare.com.au/erectile-restoration-surgery/ 

 

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Websites: 

https://melissahadleybarrett.com   Men’s health only 

https://rshealth.com.au/  All genders 

http://www.menshealthphysiotherapy.com.au/ 

http://prost.com.au/ 

  

Facebook: 

https://m.facebook.com/p/Melissa-Hadley-Barrett-100085237672685/ 

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100085146627814 

 

Instagram: 

https://www.instagram.com/melissahadleybarrett/ 

https://www.instagram.com/restorativehealth.clinic/ 

TikTok: @melissahadleybarrett 

YouTube: Melissa Hadley Barrett 

Linkedin: 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-hadley-barrett/ 

 TEDX 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjHj1YTmLoA 

179: Robert- Everything he has done is hard won! A prostate cancer story. Spice up your rehab!

This is a very special episode featuring none other than Victoria Cullen from “A touchy Subject” and Robert, a longtime patient of both Victoria and me (Melissa Hadley Barrett).

Robert had an open prostatectomy in May 2009 and has been on a journey of self-discovery ever since. He initially saw men’s health Dr in Brisbane for 4-5 years until he went searching for other options. He injected twice a week for years a mysterious mix … he did achieve an erection, but this was not ‘wife friendly” as no spontaneity. He was only 57 years old at this stage and disappointed with the loss of what was previously a good intimate relationship. Unfortunately, he received advice that vacuum pumps were a waste of time and used injections for rehab, this became costly and tedious and eventually he ran out of steam 2016 and gave up. He felt shame about loss of function.  

 Along the way he met various health professionals whom he asked if they could help and usually, they didn’t respond well until he was eventually sent to a sex therapist who convinced him that outercourse was the way of the future. Finally in 2021 he was introduced to Victoria’s work by a physio he saw to assist with incontinence issues, and he hasn’t looked back. Through Victoria, he met me and Tess Deveze and continued to spice up his rehab and life. 

 This is a story of perseverance, patience, resilience, and of finding pleasure and joy. I hope you learn as much from Robert as Victoria, and I have and can use some of his lessons and apply them to you. You may be interested to join Victoria’s Hub (a safe place for men to chat, share and help each other. Happy pumping! 

 

- https://atouchysubject.podia.com/a-touchy-subject-community : to join the Hub Membership 

- https://www.atouchysubject.com/help-for-ed-post-prostate-surgery : free 101 rehab program 

- https://www.atouchysubject.com/ed-vacuum-pump-vacurect-demonstration-video : Vacurect training course 

 

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Websites: 

https://melissahadleybarrett.com   Men’s health only 

https://rshealth.com.au/  All genders 

http://www.menshealthphysiotherapy.com.au/ 

http://prost.com.au/ 

  

Facebook: 

https://m.facebook.com/p/Melissa-Hadley-Barrett-100085237672685/ 

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100085146627814 

 

Instagram: 

https://www.instagram.com/melissahadleybarrett/ 

https://www.instagram.com/restorativehealth.clinic/ 

TikTok: @melissahadleybarrett 

YouTube: Melissa Hadley Barrett 

Linkedin: 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-hadley-barrett/ 

 TEDX 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjHj1YTmLoA 

178: Emily Duncan - That's Orgasmic

Today we speak with Emily, a sexologist with a psychology background. Emily has a great podcast,  “That’s Orgasmic” of which I am a keen listener. Recently I had the pleasure of being interviewed on Emily’s podcast and thought The Penis Project audience would benefit from her education, view point and information.   

 In this episode we discuss; mismatched libidos (takeaway message – you are not broken), how to build desire, premature ejaculation from a psychological approach , “Post nut clarity” what is it?, how important it is to change up your script, and much more.  

 Emily (she/her) is a Queer cis-gendered Sexologist and NDIS Behaviour Support Practitioner based in Geelong, Victoria, who is passionate about advocating for LGBTIQA+ issues, sex, relationships, and the rights of disabled people. She specializes in helping disabled individuals experience the sex and relationships they desire, challenging societal barriers that have long denied them their sexuality. Emily offers sex education, therapy, and tailored support, drawing from her extensive experience with various disabilities and her interest in neurodivergence. She also supports young adults, particularly women, who struggle with sexual confidence, desire, and pleasure due to inadequate sex education and societal pressures. Raised in a conservative rural environment, Emily understands the challenges of unlearning harmful sexual scripts and now helps others do the same, guiding them to reclaim their sexuality and maximize their sexual wellness.  

We hope you enjoy this episode, for more information about Emily and how to book a consult please go to  www.emilyduncansexology.com 

That's Orgasmic podcast is on:Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7KO3hdjoPXkYAU3lI4XEkO?si=S9ygU8VSRVC_AeQ0JEHP4A 

That's Orgasmic on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/thats-orgasmic-with-sexologist-emily-duncan/id1540459611 

 Instagram @thatsorgasmic 

Email: emilyduncan@thatsorgasmic.com 

To book a session with Emily at Emily Duncan Sexology follow the link: https://www.emilyduncansexology.com/ 

Sunroom: https://sunroom.so/thatsorgasmic 

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Websites: 

https://melissahadleybarrett.com   Men’s health only 

https://rshealth.com.au/  All genders 

http://www.menshealthphysiotherapy.com.au/ 

http://prost.com.au/ 

  

Facebook: 

https://m.facebook.com/p/Melissa-Hadley-Barrett-100085237672685/ 

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100085146627814 

 

Instagram: 

https://www.instagram.com/melissahadleybarrett/ 

https://www.instagram.com/restorativehealth.clinic/ 

TikTok: @melissahadleybarrett 

YouTube: Melissa Hadley Barrett 

Linkedin: 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-hadley-barrett/ 

 TEDX 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjHj1YTmLoA